Hiya! Welcome back, or if you’re new here, welcome!
I stopped blogging for some reason. It wasn’t on purpose, it just kind of stopped happening.
Looking back, I must admit that I became obsessed with chasing likes and followers on Instagram. I was so consumed by it that I couldn’t free up any brain space to even think about blogging. Especially since blogging was evolving; the standard outfit post just wasn’t going to cut the mustard anymore, and I don’t think I was quite ready to put the time and energy into that, especially since I was so distracted by the Instagram algorithm no longer favouring my photos. I mean, what was the point in blogging when I couldn’t even reach the same amount of people as I used to? Blogging just felt less important. What was five comments on a blog post that I put hours of effort into when Instagram- even when it wasn’t going well- could still provide instant gratification with hundreds, even thousands of likes within minutes.
I guess in a way social media is a bit like gambling, you may have a rough idea of what will happen when you post something, but you never know for certain how people are going to react to your content. This makes it incredibly addictive and I neglected everything in my life to hold onto that heart-racing adrenaline fuelled feeling that social media gives you, especially when that feeling wasn’t there anymore.
Over the past few months I’ve realised that although I still care, theres no point in dwelling on something that doesn’t make me happy anymore. You may have noticed that my hair is now red (it was meant to be brown, but by happy accident it ended up this colour, which I’m pretty alright with). Also, my entire persona is no longer based around the colour pink. Not that theres anything wrong with the colour pink, I still like it, we’re still friends, I just didn’t want it to be my entire life anymore because I quite like other colours too.
This whole pink thing really just started out with me simply following the pastel trend. Do you remember that time between 2014-2016 when pastel was huge? I absolutely loved that trend, but for me it turned into something much more than that. Everyone seemed to love my pink hair and pastel clothes, they made it feel as if this is what I had always been destined for, and I revelled in it.
I had experienced blowing up on the internet a few times before, but never to this extent. It enforced the idea that being a pink pastel princess was who I was, who I was meant to be, and that I should never, ever break away from it. Encouraged by everyones enthusiasm, I ditched my old identity and fully immersed myself in the concept that I was a pink pastel princess living in an entirely pink world. I didn’t even stop to think about what I was leaving behind.
Eventually I became bored, which was to be expected but by then I felt trapped, unable to show my followers the things that I actually liked, for fear that they would leave me. ‘Give the people what they want’ was a bit of a motto I had adopted whilst I was at the height of my instagram growth, and so I continued to do just that. It is however pretty difficult to work an 80 hour week, pumping out the same amount of content like you once did when then content you’re working on is no longer fun anymore.
At this point my online identity felt completely out of my control and increasingly fake. My instagram growth slowed dramatically and I must admit that I turned to other things such as alcohol and (a bit more of a healthy option) writing fanfiction (yes it is as cringey as it sounds) to try and find enjoyment in life, thus spending almost no time on my blog or social media channels.
I make it sound as if it was such a big dramatic thing, and let’s face it, there are far more important things in the world, but for me it really was my entire life.
It’s not all doom and gloom though! I finally plucked up the courage to change, and as always for me, it started with something as simple as changing my hair colour! Honestly it’s allowed me to break through this weird mental block, and to start to change other things as well. I can once again decide on what I actually like, although I’m not entirely sure what that is.
That’s the thing with allowing other peoples perception of you to control you for so long; it makes it difficult to understand your own likes and dislikes, but I suppose theres a lot of fun in breaking free from that and discovering new things, or even going back to the things that you used to love (hello charity shops, I see you.) I must admit that its quite nice to put on a new pair of shoes and once again say “omg they’re cute!” and actually mean it, because without meaning it, calling something “cute” is potentially the emptiest thing one could ever utter.
This also means that I can start sharing my interests that I often don’t talk about online, mainly due to feeling like they don’t fit into my ~online aesthetic~. My current interests, aside from the usual fashion, personal style and beauty products are charity shopping, painting, fictional writing, listening to audio books whilst I do the washing up and a bit of a weird obsession with the Renaissance period. I also really like pasta.
I said at the start that a simple outfit post probably isn’t going to cut the mustard anymore, which means I should probably attempt to write something with a bit of substance. Honestly, I’m not really sure what to write about, although online identity or just identity in general seems to be a good place to start! Especially as when I mentioned it on Instagram a lot of you seemed to resonate with what I was saying, and it was nice to know that I wasn’t alone in feeling this way.
I hope that anyone who feels trapped by other peoples perception of them, no matter what it is, can break out of that mentality because you can in fact just do whatever you like, even when it doesn’t seem that simple and those that actually like you, for you will stick with you!
All in all, I’m back to blogging again, hello friends!!
For anyone wondering, the dressing gown is a lovely vintage gown that I found in a charity shop, it was only 50p! The lace body suit is (gifted) from femme luxe, they incessantly send annoying blogger emails asking me to place an order every single day (despite the fact I keep unsubscribing). So I placed an order in the hope that they would stop emailing me. It didn’t work, but at least I have a nice lace bodysuit.